Sunday 19 April 2009
4. Become a newspaper reporter on the recession, whether it's cycling around the country or gaining the opportunity to out smug a David Cameron lookalike who likes the smell of his own farts about the fact that we just 'didn't save enough for a rainy day' erm were you not the ones who went mental when a retail outlet's sales were not up by the projected amount? Or who gleefully produced second home shows? Still I bet cash in the attic seems like an ideal show now. If one has a parent in the newspaper industry one may get the chance to discuss how the 'coping classes' have altered their cheese habits from Camembert to Brie and have turned the Wendy house in to a 'sustainable guest room facility' while cutting down on the essentials like ginseng tea, 'Oh don't you know we have PG tips now, it's so frightfully empowering, reminds one of the old days'. Also pays extremely well.
5 Switch down a level, funnily enough the cheaper less popular version is often much better. If you like Vampire Weekend go for Ra Ra Riot, if you liked coke do speed, pool fans take up a proper sport like snooker and those shelling out absurd amounts of money to see synchronised arse waggling go and watch your local lower league team instead, particular mention must go to my own personal favourite, a day out at Tranmere is difficult to beat, and whatever you do never watch Chester City. Jesus.
6. Smear tories, while this hobby is to be avoided if you are a senior member of the government's communication team inventing stories about the Bullingdon boys can be highly amusing. Of course if one is right wing one could apply this to the government, (Guido?) but something tells me it's not quite the same. There is something about George Osbourne pissing on orphans while claiming that as he's drinking champagne that they should be grateful that somehow rings true.
5 Switch down a level, funnily enough the cheaper less popular version is often much better. If you like Vampire Weekend go for Ra Ra Riot, if you liked coke do speed, pool fans take up a proper sport like snooker and those shelling out absurd amounts of money to see synchronised arse waggling go and watch your local lower league team instead, particular mention must go to my own personal favourite, a day out at Tranmere is difficult to beat, and whatever you do never watch Chester City. Jesus.
6. Smear tories, while this hobby is to be avoided if you are a senior member of the government's communication team inventing stories about the Bullingdon boys can be highly amusing. Of course if one is right wing one could apply this to the government, (Guido?) but something tells me it's not quite the same. There is something about George Osbourne pissing on orphans while claiming that as he's drinking champagne that they should be grateful that somehow rings true.
Saturday 18 April 2009
sorry in the 3rd element of that recession post I used language without connecting it properly, Tony Blair is too pro Israel for my liking. Tony Blair is too pro his scrotum for it's liking. It has nothing however to do with his liking of people's money. I must admit I think that Palestinians have their own country. This has nothing to do with my dislike of Israel's hypocrisy in owning nuclear weapons and condoning torture, while condemning it, allegedly.
Due to the proliferation of blogs and articles trying to tell us how to beat the recession and my own lower middle class yobbo background, which I feel is perfect for enabling me to spout without alienating the moderately rich without patronising the poor I have decided to give my top 10 recession tips. PS these are both schemes to help and time wasting exercises, untill we strike it lucky again.
1. Buy Newcastle United, any share guru will say buy low and sell high, even with the messiah at the helm this club's value diminishes by the week. For those of us looking to make money out of misery I suggest you buy Newcastle for bugger all and buy Blaise Matuidi, for those with a glint in their eye and a geordie ex, I suggest appointing Ross Kemp as manager and Perry Fenwick as director of football while playing 'That old piano' before games.
2. Become a researcher for a political party, as the recent rapid rise of Georgia Gould has shown one doesn't even need experience to join the parliamentary gravy train. I'm sure Georgia is passionate aout the issues that trouble Labour members and a lovely woman, but is it worth fighting this seat this hard at 22? Georgia I'm sure you'll make a great MP although I think your old man's definition of labour is as ludicrous as a frog arguing for a hosepipe ban. I would gladly debate the future of Labour with you, but i think better men than I should hone your skills before you represent people who may well be your ideologoical enemies.
3. Be Tony Blair, take money from Jewish think tanks corporate bastards, and generally do what even thatcher was shameless enough not to do. now, I know all of you are decent human beings, instead of bailing out the banks let's give Tyson $1Biliion to fight blair and hunt him down.
next three tomorrow
1. Buy Newcastle United, any share guru will say buy low and sell high, even with the messiah at the helm this club's value diminishes by the week. For those of us looking to make money out of misery I suggest you buy Newcastle for bugger all and buy Blaise Matuidi, for those with a glint in their eye and a geordie ex, I suggest appointing Ross Kemp as manager and Perry Fenwick as director of football while playing 'That old piano' before games.
2. Become a researcher for a political party, as the recent rapid rise of Georgia Gould has shown one doesn't even need experience to join the parliamentary gravy train. I'm sure Georgia is passionate aout the issues that trouble Labour members and a lovely woman, but is it worth fighting this seat this hard at 22? Georgia I'm sure you'll make a great MP although I think your old man's definition of labour is as ludicrous as a frog arguing for a hosepipe ban. I would gladly debate the future of Labour with you, but i think better men than I should hone your skills before you represent people who may well be your ideologoical enemies.
3. Be Tony Blair, take money from Jewish think tanks corporate bastards, and generally do what even thatcher was shameless enough not to do. now, I know all of you are decent human beings, instead of bailing out the banks let's give Tyson $1Biliion to fight blair and hunt him down.
next three tomorrow
Thursday 16 April 2009
My post in honour of Susan Boyle says little, what a beautiful example of humanity's decency personified in one woman. All I have to say apart from that is that I hope that the lump in Piers Morgan's throat was as a resullt of Susan forcing a poison arrow frog down his throat. For lovers of Piers, please check page 94 of Private Eye, lovers of poison arrow frogs should check the reptile/amphibian house at London Zoo. Trust me it's the best Valentine's day ever!
Blairigion: the route of all evil?
I had the unfortunate pleasure of listening to a certain man being interviewed while traveling in the car for a brief period on Tuesday evening. Due to my utter fatigue of the Chelsea-Liverpool saga (got that one right!) I continued listening to the interview with one Mr T Blair and it reignited all the contempt that I have for the man. First of all there is the sheer arrogance of the man, not content with turning the Labour Party into a populist shell he seems to want to do the same to Catholicism. My first issue though is not with his attempts to 'reform' the Catholic Church, it is with the idea which he propagates that faith is somehow an essential part of what we as a country in our case, or the world in Mr Blair's case, can do to promote values that give us the peace, soundness of mind and cohesion that we all desire. Not withstanding the fact that Mr Blair lecturing on how to promote understanding between faiths as a way to a more peaceful and prosperous world is like a syphillitic old man writing a manual on the virtues of chastity, I take issue with the idea that this is the role of religion. As I earlier mentioned pretty much all of us share the values that we want order, tolerance and (at least for those on the left and centre right) a more egalitarian society. When listening to the likes of Mr Blair spouting about how religion plays a 'crucial role' in achieving this one is struck by the fact that it implies that somehow those that do not believe in some sort of deity somehow lack the wherewithall to possess human empathy, still less the drive to achieve it. Well I hate to break it to Mr Blair and his messiah complex but many people either do not believe in God, or do not hold him/her as crucial to their lives and yet still hold the moral values that he wants to espouse.
Before it seems as if I am being anti-religious I would say that although I personally am an athiest the same theory would apply to agnostics, or even to those for whom religion is a private matter. We have a universal code that promotes tolerance to all, even those whose views we disagree with, that holds that certain things are right and certain things wrong and that, when adhered to seeks to increase the pleasantness of the whole human experience. Of course our morality is not perfect, it is a strange mix of what were originally religious tenets, the work of various philosophers as well as plain biological common sense, but the important thing is that religion no longer plays a 'crucial role' in it. This should be our basis, not religion. One only has to look at the members of Mr Blair's own church, despite his 'modernising' efforts, and others who discriminate against homosexuals, and often in some denominations of Christianity those who do not believe that their exact word is the truth (Islam and other faiths have these tendencies too) . This to me shows that it is not religion to whom even the religious should be looking towards but universal humanist values, that some religions may share, but as often as not don't. In fact relying on our religious beliefs for moral guidance and understanding is a regressive step, we can get along without religion as a guiding force due to our greater understanding of science, politics, phhilosophy and ethics. It is time to relegate religious belief to the status it should have, that of personal belief. Our values may have come from religious practice but as Nietzsche said, first we sacrificed animals, then ourselves, now we must sacrifice God, at least when it comes to drawing up a worldview. So Tony, don't claim a special place for yourself or religion, and I can honestly say that you are below Didier Drogba on my radio preferences, and that does take some doing.
I had the unfortunate pleasure of listening to a certain man being interviewed while traveling in the car for a brief period on Tuesday evening. Due to my utter fatigue of the Chelsea-Liverpool saga (got that one right!) I continued listening to the interview with one Mr T Blair and it reignited all the contempt that I have for the man. First of all there is the sheer arrogance of the man, not content with turning the Labour Party into a populist shell he seems to want to do the same to Catholicism. My first issue though is not with his attempts to 'reform' the Catholic Church, it is with the idea which he propagates that faith is somehow an essential part of what we as a country in our case, or the world in Mr Blair's case, can do to promote values that give us the peace, soundness of mind and cohesion that we all desire. Not withstanding the fact that Mr Blair lecturing on how to promote understanding between faiths as a way to a more peaceful and prosperous world is like a syphillitic old man writing a manual on the virtues of chastity, I take issue with the idea that this is the role of religion. As I earlier mentioned pretty much all of us share the values that we want order, tolerance and (at least for those on the left and centre right) a more egalitarian society. When listening to the likes of Mr Blair spouting about how religion plays a 'crucial role' in achieving this one is struck by the fact that it implies that somehow those that do not believe in some sort of deity somehow lack the wherewithall to possess human empathy, still less the drive to achieve it. Well I hate to break it to Mr Blair and his messiah complex but many people either do not believe in God, or do not hold him/her as crucial to their lives and yet still hold the moral values that he wants to espouse.
Before it seems as if I am being anti-religious I would say that although I personally am an athiest the same theory would apply to agnostics, or even to those for whom religion is a private matter. We have a universal code that promotes tolerance to all, even those whose views we disagree with, that holds that certain things are right and certain things wrong and that, when adhered to seeks to increase the pleasantness of the whole human experience. Of course our morality is not perfect, it is a strange mix of what were originally religious tenets, the work of various philosophers as well as plain biological common sense, but the important thing is that religion no longer plays a 'crucial role' in it. This should be our basis, not religion. One only has to look at the members of Mr Blair's own church, despite his 'modernising' efforts, and others who discriminate against homosexuals, and often in some denominations of Christianity those who do not believe that their exact word is the truth (Islam and other faiths have these tendencies too) . This to me shows that it is not religion to whom even the religious should be looking towards but universal humanist values, that some religions may share, but as often as not don't. In fact relying on our religious beliefs for moral guidance and understanding is a regressive step, we can get along without religion as a guiding force due to our greater understanding of science, politics, phhilosophy and ethics. It is time to relegate religious belief to the status it should have, that of personal belief. Our values may have come from religious practice but as Nietzsche said, first we sacrificed animals, then ourselves, now we must sacrifice God, at least when it comes to drawing up a worldview. So Tony, don't claim a special place for yourself or religion, and I can honestly say that you are below Didier Drogba on my radio preferences, and that does take some doing.
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