4. Become a newspaper reporter on the recession, whether it's cycling around the country or gaining the opportunity to out smug a David Cameron lookalike who likes the smell of his own farts about the fact that we just 'didn't save enough for a rainy day' erm were you not the ones who went mental when a retail outlet's sales were not up by the projected amount? Or who gleefully produced second home shows? Still I bet cash in the attic seems like an ideal show now. If one has a parent in the newspaper industry one may get the chance to discuss how the 'coping classes' have altered their cheese habits from Camembert to Brie and have turned the Wendy house in to a 'sustainable guest room facility' while cutting down on the essentials like ginseng tea, 'Oh don't you know we have PG tips now, it's so frightfully empowering, reminds one of the old days'. Also pays extremely well.

5 Switch down a level, funnily enough the cheaper less popular version is often much better. If you like Vampire Weekend go for Ra Ra Riot, if you liked coke do speed, pool fans take up a proper sport like snooker and those shelling out absurd amounts of money to see synchronised arse waggling go and watch your local lower league team instead, particular mention must go to my own personal favourite, a day out at Tranmere is difficult to beat, and whatever you do never watch Chester City. Jesus.

6. Smear tories, while this hobby is to be avoided if you are a senior member of the government's communication team inventing stories about the Bullingdon boys can be highly amusing. Of course if one is right wing one could apply this to the government, (Guido?) but something tells me it's not quite the same. There is something about George Osbourne pissing on orphans while claiming that as he's drinking champagne that they should be grateful that somehow rings true.